What does it mean to be 'corporate'? There are a growing number of individuals who are subscribing to this category of the elite. This trend actually reminds me of that phenomenon we studied about in primary school; rural-urban migration. All of a sudden, everyone is striving for this exclusive social club of wannabes who have the latest gadgets, live in mini estates and
almost drive their own cars, which they obviously can only afford on credit. They attend the same events as their fellows, not because they actually want to be there but because they want to 'hang out'. They patronize the latest spots in town and lumber around with the latest phones on the market. Granted, they do deserve to show off. After all, three quarters of them have low self esteems.
So what does it really mean to be 'corporate'? I, for one, cannot possibly apply myself to this term since I am sort of employed in quite a number of places at the same time. Let me put it this way—I am a master of my own fate, which means that to be 'corporate' means that you must be employed (read enslaved). This allegiance to one master is almost akin to being a drone in a bee hive tending to the queen bee. There is just about as much room for you to squirm and get the illusion that you are free. The key is to be employed by a telecom company, bank, service provider or the quintessential audit firm. This also means that you should display some ID that advertises where you
are enslaved and what exactly you do and not what you think you do. Let me take this opportunity to say that all those who are employed as sales executives (read hawkers) are not 'corporate'. Neither are those
of our number who are self employed. Another reason why I am not 'corporate' is because I maintain a decent amount of disdain for these institutions so bear with me. I feel I am at a loss, I must say. Another qualifying factor is your ability to gain access to an automobile that belongs to someone else essentially. I have a friend who bought a Toyota at nineteen million and he felt like he owned the world. Meanwhile, he had borrowed the money to buy the car. He mentioned something about making the other guy's life better. How conceited those who are 'corporate' can be. I also believe that to
spend money in the cheesiest of bars is clearly not too constructive. Let us not forget the bit where they go for Comedy Night at the National Theatre and Rock night at Effendy's every Saturday. By the way, if you don't go, you are not 'corporate'. I find that being employed ensures that you will constantly be giving your time and eventually your money to another human being.
By now I am more than certain that I have separated the sheep from the goats. More muchomo for us, right? Before I forget, being 'corporate' requires you to actually look the part. Walk the walk, talk the talk (mindless chatter, if you ask me), that kind of thing. You have to wear a full suit (not the cheap variations that they hawk for seventy thousand in Wandegeya) and shoes from a shop—at least they should look they come from a shop. They should be procured from a respectable
place or else you risk looking like an airtime vendor from Kawempe. Maybe the whole concept of goods of ostentation actually applies when it comes to being 'corporate'. I know I have separated more pseudo sheep from the sheep, and I hope you don't feel like this is some form of ethnic cleansing. There can be no pretenders to this sect. I am digressing.
Being 'corporate' means that you go on endlessly about money they do not have, ventures they probably will never own and discuss topics they have no clue whatsoever about. Case I point; you would be hard pressed to find 'corporates' who are not going on ad nauseum about the state of the world economy. The thought of this just reminds me how mind boggling these conversations can be. They actually want to come off sounding intelligent without actually being intelligent (boring).
Life is too short for them to be serious. Lighten up dude.
Another aspect of being 'corporate' is about being able to sound intelligent and constipated at the same time. They make you feel like you know nothing and they know everything—believe me, they let you know it full well. Their condescending behavior is unnerving. Why can someone not be so nice as to guide you through something without making you feel stupid? Please get off your high horse and relate with us. Pretend you like us and maybe we will believe you and not let
everyone know how you live. But how can I skip the juice of your borrowed lives? From borrowed cars, to clothes, lifestyles, expensive looking gadgets to time, everything is sold at the cost of slaving away to make a millionaire of someone else. How ridiculous is that?
Trying to keep up with the Joneses is definitely not a cool way to live. Be yourself for God's sake. A 'corporate' can be defined as; constant access to complimentaries to night clubs (read sweat joints), participation in the corporate farce
and the mascot goat races. I find the idea of pushing goats around a form of animal brutality, an infringement on their rights. The poor things. And while they are there, these 'corporates' hop from tent to tent scrounging for food and the chance to rub shoulders with the A-list crowd. It is a pity because they are paid no mind. Let me offer some advice. Don't cross breed.
READER BEWARE: Just do us a favour and be yourself!!!
almost drive their own cars, which they obviously can only afford on credit. They attend the same events as their fellows, not because they actually want to be there but because they want to 'hang out'. They patronize the latest spots in town and lumber around with the latest phones on the market. Granted, they do deserve to show off. After all, three quarters of them have low self esteems.
So what does it really mean to be 'corporate'? I, for one, cannot possibly apply myself to this term since I am sort of employed in quite a number of places at the same time. Let me put it this way—I am a master of my own fate, which means that to be 'corporate' means that you must be employed (read enslaved). This allegiance to one master is almost akin to being a drone in a bee hive tending to the queen bee. There is just about as much room for you to squirm and get the illusion that you are free. The key is to be employed by a telecom company, bank, service provider or the quintessential audit firm. This also means that you should display some ID that advertises where you
are enslaved and what exactly you do and not what you think you do. Let me take this opportunity to say that all those who are employed as sales executives (read hawkers) are not 'corporate'. Neither are those
of our number who are self employed. Another reason why I am not 'corporate' is because I maintain a decent amount of disdain for these institutions so bear with me. I feel I am at a loss, I must say. Another qualifying factor is your ability to gain access to an automobile that belongs to someone else essentially. I have a friend who bought a Toyota at nineteen million and he felt like he owned the world. Meanwhile, he had borrowed the money to buy the car. He mentioned something about making the other guy's life better. How conceited those who are 'corporate' can be. I also believe that to
spend money in the cheesiest of bars is clearly not too constructive. Let us not forget the bit where they go for Comedy Night at the National Theatre and Rock night at Effendy's every Saturday. By the way, if you don't go, you are not 'corporate'. I find that being employed ensures that you will constantly be giving your time and eventually your money to another human being.
By now I am more than certain that I have separated the sheep from the goats. More muchomo for us, right? Before I forget, being 'corporate' requires you to actually look the part. Walk the walk, talk the talk (mindless chatter, if you ask me), that kind of thing. You have to wear a full suit (not the cheap variations that they hawk for seventy thousand in Wandegeya) and shoes from a shop—at least they should look they come from a shop. They should be procured from a respectable
place or else you risk looking like an airtime vendor from Kawempe. Maybe the whole concept of goods of ostentation actually applies when it comes to being 'corporate'. I know I have separated more pseudo sheep from the sheep, and I hope you don't feel like this is some form of ethnic cleansing. There can be no pretenders to this sect. I am digressing.
Being 'corporate' means that you go on endlessly about money they do not have, ventures they probably will never own and discuss topics they have no clue whatsoever about. Case I point; you would be hard pressed to find 'corporates' who are not going on ad nauseum about the state of the world economy. The thought of this just reminds me how mind boggling these conversations can be. They actually want to come off sounding intelligent without actually being intelligent (boring).
Life is too short for them to be serious. Lighten up dude.
Another aspect of being 'corporate' is about being able to sound intelligent and constipated at the same time. They make you feel like you know nothing and they know everything—believe me, they let you know it full well. Their condescending behavior is unnerving. Why can someone not be so nice as to guide you through something without making you feel stupid? Please get off your high horse and relate with us. Pretend you like us and maybe we will believe you and not let
everyone know how you live. But how can I skip the juice of your borrowed lives? From borrowed cars, to clothes, lifestyles, expensive looking gadgets to time, everything is sold at the cost of slaving away to make a millionaire of someone else. How ridiculous is that?
Trying to keep up with the Joneses is definitely not a cool way to live. Be yourself for God's sake. A 'corporate' can be defined as; constant access to complimentaries to night clubs (read sweat joints), participation in the corporate farce
and the mascot goat races. I find the idea of pushing goats around a form of animal brutality, an infringement on their rights. The poor things. And while they are there, these 'corporates' hop from tent to tent scrounging for food and the chance to rub shoulders with the A-list crowd. It is a pity because they are paid no mind. Let me offer some advice. Don't cross breed.
READER BEWARE: Just do us a favour and be yourself!!!
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